The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Well, Face Cloths.

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The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Well, Face Cloths.

Submitted by An Outdoor Idiots Team Member.

In 1978, Douglas Adams revealed, through the Radio 4 series The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, his answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything. Memorably, the solution he gave was "42".

Before we get too carried away though, it is important to be aware that this solution has since been disproved and discredited by disgruntled scientists at Oxford University, and we can't argue with people like that.

But Adams, who died in May 2001, left behind a much greater and more dependable legacy. He understood the importance of towels. A towel, he told us, "is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have." There was practically no end to the uses of a towel. Most importantly, though, "a man who knows where his towel is, is clearly a man to be reckoned with."

Unsurprisingly, Douglas Adams knew where his towel was, and he was, therefore, a man to be reckoned with:

Douglas Adams and a Towel

Douglas Adams and a towel. Start reckoning.
Well, that's all well and good for interstellar hitchhikers and people like Douglas Adams. But where does that leave the modern outdoorsperson? What with gravity and all that, the modern earthbound outdoorsperson likes to keep things a bit smaller and lighter.

Happily, towels do actually come in very small and portable sizes indeed. Confusingly, though, when they get below a certain size, they are called "face cloths". Here is a face cloth, which, when folded, is about the size of the book of "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy," first published in 1979:

A face cloth and a book

A face cloth and a book
The face cloth is truly a marvellous item to have when in the wilderness. At Outdoor Idiots.com we have a policy of carrying no less than three whenever we are more than ten miles from civilisation. In fact, they are so useful to have around, we occasionally find that the Kendal Mint Cake in our top pockets has been replaced by a face cloth. Heresy to some, maybe, but we stand firmly by this.

Here are some example uses, demonstrating just how versatile they are:

For mopping up the copious amounts of sweat you produce whenever tackling a gradient of more than 1:10.
For wetting and placing on your head on hot days, when it all gets too much.
When you wake up in your tent, and the walls are dripping with condensation, you can dry the walls before you even sit up, thereby avoiding a soaking.
When you get into a tent in the pouring rain, you don't have to worry about your wet clothes creating puddles in the tent. Well okay, you do, but at least your face cloth can mop them up.
For filtering horrible bits out of drinking water.
For emergency melting of ice by a fire.
Oh yes, and for washing yourself.
For drying yourself. The same face cloth that you use for washing yourself can also be used for drying yourself. It just needs to be wrung out occasionally. In fact, a cotton face cloth is much better than one of those synthetic travel towels, which feel horrible and start to stink very quickly. The beauty of using one face cloth for both washing and drying over several days is that the face cloth gets washed and cleaned as you are washing yourself.
For flicking errant sheep. [Flossy speaks: "Baa-aaa-aah!"]
For washing pots and pans.
For drying pots and pans - they make the perfect tea towel.
For wiping mud off your boots and cleaning them properly in a stream.
A hot day is not the only time when placing a wet face cloth on your head comes in useful. A wet, or even dry face cloth, placed on the head, is invaluable when you need to perform an emergency impersonation of Professor Gumby:

Professor Gumby

... we could go on.

All the above activities are not necessarily compatible with each other. Using the same face cloth to wipe mud off boots and to wash yourself is probably not ideal. That's why it is our policy to take three, and we like to have them colour-coded. At Outdoor Idiots.com, we think of everything.

International Towel Day

Douglas Adams died on 11th May, 2001. In tribute to his understanding of towels, some people like to celebrate his death on an annual basis. For some reason, they do this on the 25th May, rather than the 11th. To find out more, you could look here.

Can you think of any more uses for a face cloth? Do you want to try to defend the synthetic travel towel? If you are a man, or even a woman (heck, this is the 90's) who knows where your face cloth is, then you can tell everyone about it in our forums, here.

If you can't be bothered to enter the forums, then shame on you! But you can still leave a comment below. Please try to avoid the profane ramblings of a madman. That's our job.

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