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Random Outdoor Gear
Submitted by An Outdoor Idiots Team Member.
It has come to our attention that certain manufacturers of outdoor
equipment are lunatics. We have been sent some evidence of this by one of
our avid readers.
We can only reason that there is so much outdoor gear available nowadays that manufacturers have come to a dead end. But some manufacturers are clearly not going to rest on their laurels. It seems they have decided to employ some very, erm, gifted people to think up new types of equipment that we simply cannot do without.
Outdoor Idiots.com will not stand idly by and watch the outdoor world become cluttered with such pointless oddities. We will name them. And we will shame them.
We now have a few nominations, which we've added to this page...
We can only reason that there is so much outdoor gear available nowadays that manufacturers have come to a dead end. But some manufacturers are clearly not going to rest on their laurels. It seems they have decided to employ some very, erm, gifted people to think up new types of equipment that we simply cannot do without.
Outdoor Idiots.com will not stand idly by and watch the outdoor world become cluttered with such pointless oddities. We will name them. And we will shame them.
We now have a few nominations, which we've added to this page...
The Karabiner* Mug
Is it a mug? Or is it a Karabiner? Well, it's both. These crazy little things have been slowly cropping up everywhere over the last few years. Why? We have yet to meet a hot drink that is afraid of heights.
Our question to you is simply this: Look at those things. Then look us in the eye and tell us, are YOU going to let this happen?
*Let it be known that, at Outdoor Idiots.com, we spell "karabiner" with a "k" and not a "c". If we had our way (and believe us, we are working hard on this) it would be the law.
GPS Systems
Controversy! We don't know if we agree. But Outdoor Idiots.com will never turn away from an opportunity to kick up a big stink! In they go to Room 101! We should have called this article Room 101! We may change the name! What do you mean, "stop using exclamation marks"!? Oh, okay!
Novelty Hats
They are hats. And they are novelties. Presumably these things are made for the office joker who is occasionally allowed out on day release. We found no end of this rubbish. When and where will all this end!?
And yes. That's an "umbrella hat" on the right. Don't ask.
Tent and Zipper Padlocks
For all your outdoor security needs. Simply lug a huge metal padlock around. Then, simply attach that huge chunk of metal to ... err ... a zipper, or something. No self-respecting criminal is going to break in to your tent or steal your rucksack if it means they have to damage the zipper! Safe as houses!
Heated Jackets and Stuff Like That
We had a nomination for heated jackets. And also handwarmer sticks. We'll bag them all together. Why? Because they are both rubbish for the same sorts of reasons. Why carry batteries and chemicals around for an hour or so of "warmth"? Ever heard of fleeces? Gloves? Remember those? Don't get us started. Oh, too late!
The "Bivanorak"
What!? Well, actually, that would work. Wouldn't it? We don't know. We'll let you decide. This little gem comes from the well-respected tent manufacturer Hilleberg. They make the Akto tent. Which is very good. But hang on a minute, that doesn't give them the right to do something like this, does it?
Hilleberg aren't the only ones whose brain went off at this funny angle. Try the German army, for example. Do a Google search for "Germany Army Sleeping Bag". So if the Germans do that sort of thing, it can't be bad. Can it?
Trekking Poles
More controversy! We love it! Again, we're not so sure about this one. But why not get the big brown spoon out? We confidently predict someone getting all uppity and quoting actual scientifically-proven figures at us. The beauty is, we won't be listening!
The ... Cap Light?
You thought you'd seen it all. Well, now you can - with the Cap Light! Tired of having to carry separate headgear AND illumination devices? Worry no more! Now you can be constrained to having to use them both at the same time! We've already covered "novelty hats" but we thought this deserved a special mention. Thanks to a certain forum member for spotting this on Ebay. We won't ask how he found it, and we'll leave it for him to own up to his identity...
Thank you for your help so far in this matter. Please let us know of any further pointless items you find
on your travels. Things that we all did perfectly well without, but then someone
comes along and thinks we need. Then, when we've got
enough examples, we'll probably
have a vote or something, so we can get to the bottom of where the true evil lies.
And if you think you can explain the existence of any of the items, then we are all ears.
You can nominate your pointless outdoor gear (or try to justify its existence) by emailing our submission address, or adding a comment to this article, or in our forums. We will add the best examples to this page.
And if you think you can explain the existence of any of the items, then we are all ears.
You can nominate your pointless outdoor gear (or try to justify its existence) by emailing our submission address, or adding a comment to this article, or in our forums. We will add the best examples to this page.
If you want to nominate an item, or even defend an item, you can do so in this specially created place in our forums, here.
If you can't be bothered to enter the forums, then shame on you! But you can still leave a comment below. Please try to avoid the profane ramblings of a madman. That's our job.
If you can't be bothered to enter the forums, then shame on you! But you can still leave a comment below. Please try to avoid the profane ramblings of a madman. That's our job.
Your Comments
On 12 July 2007, Spikey DaPikey said:Goofy, just follow the chav's with there white lightnig cider..... ;o)
On 25 June 2007, Goofy Really said:
What's wrong with GPS systems? How else can you find your way from Asda to the middle of a field?
On 28 January 2007, Billy said:
The Computer - 1 You cant plug it in outside 2 If you can plug it in your not outside 3 Why is it people who so called love the outdoors spend so much time indoors reading and writing about it. (errr does that include me hahahahaha)
On 24 January 2007, uh oh I'm going to die said:
So what's wrong with the Germany Army Sleeping Bag then? I'm using one this weekend (Yes it's January) with my poncho basha. If I survive I'll send photos.
The Outdoor Idiots.com Emergency Response Team says:
They are probably great. Anyway, please send two photographs. One should show you using the sleeping bag at the weekend. The other should show you holding a newspaper published the following monday, as proof of life. A smile would help the proof.
On 22 November 2006, Spikey DaPikey said:
Found another one for ya YGM :oD
On 7 September 2006, Mad Dave said:
Maya Dust... That's right folks, little tins of sawdust sold as "survival tinder" YEAH RIGHT !!!
On 17 July 2006, Nick said:
Sigg bottles: Heavy, ugly and usually so dented they only hold a mouthful of water. Extra points if you leave it swinging in a karabiner off your rucksack.
On 11 July 2006, Tom said:
I'm so ashamed. I put a beaner on the handle of my mug. Am I an enabler?
The Outdoor Idiots.com Emergency Response Team says:
We just don't have the words... Please join our forums, so that we can have the pleasure of banning you immediately!
On 11 July 2006, The Archer said:
Heated jackets. With batteries. You know what I mean!
On 10 July 2006, nomad said:
hand warming sticks
On 5 July 2006, Booey said:
Well if we can have trekking poles, then we can have GPS systems. I got one years ago and haven't bothered to use it since.
On 5 July 2006, HaJ said:
i agree with the treking poles. but i'm not joining your forums because they are poo.
The Outdoor Idiots.com Emergency Response Team says:
Thank you.
On 4 July 2006, daveb said:
I nominate novelty hats. People who wear these things ought to be shot.
On 3 July 2006, steve said:
Wow! I like those mugs!! What a great Idea! I’m going to get one!
I can clip it onto the outside of my over-filled day sack along with my tent, sleeping mat and kitchen sink. Thanks www.outdooridiots.com!
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