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Lil' Bratz Torch / Flashlight Review
Submitted by An Outdoor Idiots Team Member.
Packaging
When it comes to technology, there's nothing more important to Flossy than packaging. Function, by comparison, is almost an irrelevance. And it's easy to see why Flossy was attracted to the packaging of this torch. It must have called out to her. Here is the torch in its original packaging, complete with enlarged detail of the more pertinent features:
So clearly:
- According to the age rating, even Flossy could probably work out how to use it. That can't happen often with technology, so we can understand why she got excited.
- Flossy dresses almost exactly like the picture when she's out walking in the hills. But don't be alarmed and don't write in. When it's cold, she wears blue lipstick.
Build and Appearance
Flossy insists that we deal with colour next, since, "After packaging, that is the next most important thing for any consumer product". She became very cross when we described the colour of the torch as "purple". Apparently we are simpletons. She spent hours on the Internet, and finally told us that the colour was, and we quote, "A rich violet. Velvet Ribbon 5, to be exact." She has Dulux on her side. Dulux is a brand owned by Imperial Chemical Industries. They can sue, so we won't argue. We still think it's purple, though.[Flossy speaks: "Baa-aaa-aaah!"]
[The Editor speaks: "Whatever."]
When it comes to the build and appearance, Ray was more interested in the "fluting" than the colour. As will become apparent in later pictures, there is a lot of fluting going on with this torch. The body is fluted, and so is the head. Ray would like you to know that there are 7 flutes on the body, which he feels may aid the grip somewhat, and there are 24 flutes on the head. He can't think of a reason why there are 24 flutes on the head, but he wants you to know that he counted them, because it's his job to know things like that.
Next comes the main label on the body of the torch. It's great, and here it is:
There's a lot to take in there, and we'll leave that task to you. One thing that we'd like to point out, though, is that your eyes do not deceive you: there is a tiny trademark symbol appearing after the words "Funk House". That's understandable. If you worked in marketing and you came up with a term as mind-blowing as "Funk House", you'd want to make it a trademark. It's genius. If you search for the term on the Internet, it looks like an Australian hostel for backpackers also had the idea, but they failed to trademark it! The fools!
Extras
It's always nice to get some extras thrown in with a product, especially when you are down to your last £2.49. This torch didn't disappoint. It came with two free batteries. Two was the perfect number, because that's how many the torch needs in order to run. Look, here's one of the batteries, now:
The batteries say "Brite Power" on them, and so therefore they must be good for torches. They also say "Long Life Plus" on them.
It's a well-known fact that consumers can rely entirely on anything that is written on a battery. We can confirm that we have felt the need to change the batteries only once.
Page 2 of 5 Previous Next [Top of Page]
Page 1: Background
Page 2: Review: Packaging; Build & Appearance; Extras
Page 3: Review: Features
Page 4: Review: Output; The Innards Explored; Conclusion
Page 5: Appendix: Hullabaloo
Page 2: Review: Packaging; Build & Appearance; Extras
Page 3: Review: Features
Page 4: Review: Output; The Innards Explored; Conclusion
Page 5: Appendix: Hullabaloo
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