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The TatMaster
Submitted by An Outdoor Idiots Team Member.
Introduction
Hot on the heels (at least in the Outdoor Idiots.com time scale, which we are careful to ensure is always cosmic) of our Random Outdoor Gear special feature, we will, over the next few weeks / months / decades, be investigating outdoor gear outrages in more depth.Full to the brim with originality, we'll be calling the series "Room 101".
For the purpose of rating just how much the item in question deserves to be flung into Room 101, we will be introducing a high-tech device called the TattyBattyNatty Meter.
More importantly than that, though, we also now proudly introduce the TatMaster...
The TatMaster
People of a certain age and disposition might remember the GamesMaster...
... but for other people, an explanation is probably required. That is unfortunate, because the above is completely inexplicable. If anyone can explain why on Earth Patrick Moore, famed astronomer (whose sketches of the moon were invaluable to both Russia and NASA, legend has it) agreed to appear as a disembodied head for a 1990's children's show about computer games, then we'd like to hear it. But anyway, that's what happened, and that's what's going on in that picture.
Continuing this trend of complete and utter inexplicability, we decided we needed a TatMaster for this web site. The TatMaster is to outdoor-equipment-tat what the GamesMaster was to computer games (whatever that was).
But who could possibly be the TatMaster? Well, behind the scenes, our staunchest ally in the naming-and-shaming of outdoor gear outrages has been a certain forum member that goes by the name of Spikey DaPikey. He has been sending us regular email reports from the frontline of tat, and so he seemed to be the right man for the job.
He was up for the job in principle, but one issue remained. In keeping with the rules laid down by the GamesMaster, the TatMaster would have to become a disembodied head. A bit harsh we thought, but still, needs must. As luck would have it, Mr. DaPikey is very keen on sharp things...
...and so it was only a question time (and beer) before the inevitable accident occurred...
...and so the TatMaster was born:
[The Editor speaks: "What on Earth is THAT!?"]
[Vic speaks: "That's the TatMaster."]
[The Editor speaks: "Is that the best that damned animal could come up with?"]
[Flossy speaks: "Baa-aaa-aah!"]
[Ray Gears speaks: "I think you've upset her. She says it's deliberately naff."]
[The Editor speaks: "DELIBERATELY NAFF!!!? What kind of an excuse is that!? Oh, never mind. I despair. At least she can make a half-decent cup of tea. Preferably five minutes ago. But NOW will do!"]
[Flossy speaks: "Baa-aaa-aah!"]
Yes, the TatMaster. We can't prove it, but we suspect that when Tat is near, the top of his head opens up and a Tat Radar pops out. However he does it, you can depend on the TatMaster to keep this site up to its neck in tat. Over the coming millenia, we'll be investigating some of the vast wealth of Tat that this man has uncovered.
Meanwhile, if you should chance upon any gear outrages yourself, do be sure to mention them in the comments / forum of the Random Outdoor Gear page, won't you?
Please don't respond to this garbage. Please. Please, please, please. But if you really must.
If you can't be bothered to enter the forums, then shame on you! But you can still leave a comment below. Please try to avoid the profane ramblings of a madman. That's our job.
If you can't be bothered to enter the forums, then shame on you! But you can still leave a comment below. Please try to avoid the profane ramblings of a madman. That's our job.
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